Young Writers Society

Even the smell of the bus is starting to feel like home
My house is just somewhere that makes me want to be alone
People know me too well there
And aren’t even the people who I wanted to care. - Aahh. Seems a bit forced and nonsensical, this line.
What will make the world seem brighter?
I like to think
An alcoholic drink does more than little for me.
Leaning over a notepad with an ice cold Smirnoff
On sofas of wrinkled leather and backs sunk low
They know what I mean. - Hah. Men
But don’t speak.
Writing the wrong date again, sitting, drinking alone;
Is this the person I thought I was going to be?
Rotating mirror behind a camera scans the pub for life - ... what? I don't get that line.
And slips over my scribbles-I wish I could stay here. - Scribbles... some English slang? Lol, I don't ge it...
Town is full of teddy bears and pink - YAY!
I think I would like to go on a Valentine’s killing spree. - I can't critique this if your going to be funny Lol.
Why won’t they leave me alone?
Staring at carpet circles, the stairs smell of sweat as I - Ew.
Get dizzy and light-headed after only having one
Up the stairs, I was too fast and now the drink is gone
Sitting on the toilet I continue to jot this baby down

The beginnings of a cold feels mildly entertaining - Nice line.
More than the essence of my thoughts:

I want the tugging of fabric
I want permanence
I thought I wasn’t alone
I thought I wasn’t alone.

Wow. I didn't critique this really, just commented on what you wrote. I like this poem a lot, it's funny, and suspenseful and it reaches out to some readers. You did a great job!

This was brill, Matt. I love how you express yourself. Your imagery is so fresh, and you're beautifully honest. I'm not sure about the rhyme in the beginning though, it irritated me a little, and I was releived when it vanished.

I really love;

"An alcoholic drink does more than little for me.
Leaning over a notepad with an ice cold Smirnoff
On sofas of wrinkled leather and backs sunk low."

"Writing the wrong date again, sitting, drinking alone;
Is this the person I thought I was going to be? "

"I think I would like to go on a Valentine’s killing spree."

"Get dizzy and light-headed after only having one
Up the stairs, I was too fast and now the drink is gone ."

They're very fresh, powerful lines, and were very effective. I really do love them.

Overall, this was really great.
Jas

Brilliant display of thoughts. Made me think of cold sweat and melting ice. Not forgetting the feeling of loneliness.

Nope, it's a reference to The Litten Tree in Northampton, England There must be loads of them.

I liked that a lot.
Conveyed the feeling of lonliness very well and was well written.

A quick question, is this a reference to The Litten Tree in Bedford, England?